He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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