dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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