I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
