I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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