she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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