just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
