have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
