and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
