Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
