i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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