Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This baby is an asshole
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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