i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
