i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was like eating out sand paper
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
