I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
