In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
