Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So many bounce houses so little time
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
