what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
