mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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