I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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