guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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