yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
