Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A+ Viking dick
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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