Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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