I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
