By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
