I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
