even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
