a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
