I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
