you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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