i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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