Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
