I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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