Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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