Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
