Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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