your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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