I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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