i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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