Pants 0. Shit 1.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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