Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
