He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
