I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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