my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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