I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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