i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
