just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
