my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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