Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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