Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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